East Coast's A Callin'

I need to get out of the Midwest if only to have company at dinner if I choose to eat after 5:30 pm. I grew up among these people, but I still don't understand their ways.

Hilarity

I just watched Chris Rock's opening speech for the 77th Academy Awards. Apparently he's extremely funny even when he doesn't use words such as ****** or **** or ************. I laughed until tears came to my eyes.

Also funny, now that I'm looking back on it, was today's close encounter with a Statesider Resident. For those not in the know, the Statesider is the most expensive of the PRH dorms. It's full of the snottiest people you will ever encounter outside the Upper East Side of Manhattan (and, in fact, a lot of the kids there come from the Upper East Side of Manhattan). My suitemate Mike all but refuses to set foot in there, simply because the population is so unbearable. Let me illustrate:

Today they offered with brunch fresh bagels. For slicing purposes they had one of those V-blade bagel-cutters as well as a small serrated knife. I used the knife to great effect on my first bagel and decided to take the same approach to the second one. It turned out to be a little tougher, and getting started was a bit slow, but it came out just fine. While I was sawing into it, however, a rather typical Statesider male resident said to me that there was a bagel-cutter to my left, and I thanked him but also said that I thought the knife works a bit better. He scoffed and said "I doubt that!" I looked down at his plate, and he had sliced bagel but it was an absolutely mangled mess. I was, needless to say, nonplussed.

Questionable Quotations

From the past thirty-six hours:

My Environmental Conservation instructor on the element lead:
"...it's not radio active, so it's not giving off neurons."
My Ancient and Medieval Art professor on Alexander the Great:
"...he travels - [trailing off] How far does he travel? [long pause] Thousands of miles!"
One crazy guy to another crazy guy on the other side of State Street:
"Hey Gino! Where are my tendermeats? You know I cans tough."
The "small print" description on the plastic canister of Tang mix:
"NATURAL FLAVOR WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVOR"

Where Is Bill O'Reilly When You Need Him?

For the past couple of weeks, I've been frustrated by the amount and volume of talking among student during two of my lectures. In my Ancient and Medieval Art class, the problem stems from two distinct groups of people: freshmen girls and middle-aged women who are auditing the course, I suspect in order to plan some sort of Eurasian vacation. The women tend to sit far forward if they can, so they're not close enough to hear usually. A group of four freshman girls, however has been sitting only twenty feet away from me, and they've been easily heard. In my Cryptography course the culprits are computer science students, who, like many computer science students, are pasty males with little skill at detecting inappropriate behavior on their part.

In past weeks I've talked to the guys in my math class about piping down, and I've shot the girls in the art history class some sharp looks, but without progress in both cases. On Monday I found the girls talking louder than ever. As a temporary fix to the problem that could be implemented immediately, I threw a ball of paper at the group, but in curved too much and landed in the empty seats in front of them, ultimately having no effect. As a more lasting solution, I went over and talked to them after class, getting myself scowls from two of the girls and gratitude from numerous students who had been equally bothered and less courageous. Sarah disapproved of my paper-throwing, and told me that I should have involved the professor, so I decided to take her advice in my math class. When I went to office hours that afternoon to ask a question, I mentioned that there had been much talking in his class, and he seemed genuinely surprised. Today, when things got bad enough that I couldn't hear him, I stood up and moved closer to the front. Professor Brualdi saw this, kindly waited for about fifteen minutes, and then reprimanded the students in the back. Hopefully things will be better in the coming weeks.

Back On Track

Life's been a bit hectic lately; I've had more than the usual number of assignments due this week, and recent trips to the library have left me with a stack of books half a meter high. Fortunately recovery from my cold seems all but complete now, and I've had the energy to tackle this week sans afternoon naps and even get back on the treadmill for a few minutes each night. (After three consecutive nights I'm caught up to where I was when I left off as the cold began.)

Slush, Stations, and Seats

We've received a fair bit of snow this morning. As best I can tell the sidewalks are still a bit above freezing, but the snow has come down so fast that it didn't melt completely, thus leaving us with a half-inch of slush. I walked through the stuff on my way to and from the Kohler Art Library in the Elvehjem. I'm gearing up for the paper that will determine the bulk of my grade in Post-Colonial Architecture. The topic I've chosen is railway stations. I'm currently planning an emphasis on Grand Central and Union Stations (in New York and Washington, respectively). I'm not sure what my thesis will be quite yet, but I'm thinking that it will have something to do with a change in design I expect to find that corresponds to the decrease of importance in Westward Expansion. I had fun this morning looking at some architectural journals from around 1910. I got a kick out of some of the advertisements. My favorite was for the Never Split Seat Company, an Evansville, Indiana manufacturer of toilet seats.

Since 1959

I popped over to say 'hi' to Nat this evening. Being the overly generous friend he always is, he didn't let me out the door until I had had a beer - Harp Lager - and icecream - Ben & Jerry's Fossil Fuel ("Sweet Cream Ice Cream with Chocolate Cookie Pieces, Fudge Dinosaurs and a Fudge Swirl"). We also started watching Welcome to the Dollhouse, but the slow, painful plot wasn't what I needed in my already drowsy state. I'll have to give the movie another shot sometime soon.

Intriguing Product

Every now and then I encounter a small business with a name so clever I suspect they've never consulted a lawyer. I thought New Country Buffet was a fun name for a little Chinese restaurant in Brooklyn Center, Minnesota, but apparently the Old Country Buffet franchise didn't agree. (The small restaurant is now New King Buffet.) I think I may have found a company name that takes the cake in this category.

The seventh intriguing product is the stainless steel equipment of the Royce Rolls Ringer Co.

Of Bibliopegy And Bibliopolery

This semester has created than they usual amount of frustrations in the book-buying process.

First, my James Joyce course uses a specific version of Ulysses that is not the one that I purchased last spring. The version of Ulysses that Prof. Begam has assigned has some very clear advantages over other editions: It includes some five thousand errors; some are simply periods in places of commas, but other amendments include the reintroduction of sentences lost in the typesetting process. Comparing the two texts that I now own, I'm certain that the assigned edition is far superior as far as the text is concerned. As a book, however, "The Gabler Edition" is lacking. It's only available in paperback, and the quality of the binding is abysmal. I had to exchange my first copy after a single week's use. The book also has some major formatting issues that I think are intended to save space (and thus pages), but it's rather frustrating to have such a wonderful text presented in such an inglorious manner.

Second, Narciso assigned for Post-Colonial Architecture books from the middle of the twentieth-century, most of which are long out of print. One of the books was available at a reasonable price and in a very acceptable condition from an Amazon.com zShop. The book came a couple weeks ago, and I was slightly dismayed to find some highlighting inside, but I wasn't sufficiently frustrated to take action. Amazon.com, however, reminded me yesterday to rate my seller. I gave my_favorite_books 3 out of 5 and figured that that would be the end of it. Not so. I received the following email this morning while I was at class:

Concerning your order for the subject book, you posted the following
feedback:

"3 out of 5: Book arrived promptly, but it was in slightly poorer condition than advertised."

Our description of the book was "Firm tight binding, no spine creases. No highlighting or markings. Light shelf & handling wear. Prompt shipment. Satisfaction guaranteed."

We attempt to describe the condition of each book we list for sale as accurately as possible but we are not immune from errors or unintentional omissions. We state "satisfaction guaranteed" for all books that we sell. Your rating and comment indicates that you were not satisfied. Please accept our sincerest apology and advise us as to how the book should have been described and what action we can take to satisfy you.

Sincerely yours,

Mac Black
My Favorite Books
Lake Forest, California

After lunch I explained my discontent:

Dear Mr. Black,

The book I received, contrary to the description given, had extensive highlighting in the final chapters. I can easily imagine how someone thumbing through the pages may have searched the majority of the book but missed the critical pages; it is an understandable error. If you are sincere in your guarantee of satisfaction, I will gladly except a small refund. Perhaps the $3.49 I paid for shipping would be appropriate. I am grateful for and impressed by your concern regarding this matter. This courtesy will not be forgotten.

Sincerely,

James Lucas Hepokoski

I was credited $3.49 by the end of the business day. That's good service. I will be shopping with My Favorite Books again.

Troublemakers

One of the themes of my Environmental Conservation class that I'm hoping we'll investigate more is the rift between the academic elite and the working class that often occurs when the environment is concerned. Based on comments I hear in discussion, I think that many of the students have little grasp of how their proposed environmental policies will appear to those affected. Still, sometimes you just want to side with the academic elite outright. This is an extract from "Fear In The Fields" by Duff Wilson, originally published in the 3 July 1997 edition of the Seattle Times:

[Mayor] Patty Martin is not a popular politician in parts of Grant County these days.

Since she began raising the alarm about the use of toxic waste as fertilizer, she has been threatened with a lawsuit by a local farmer, been verbally attacked in town meetings and seen the City Council - led by a son-in-law of the local manager of the Cenex fertilizer company - pressure her to shut up or quit.

Many farmers in and around Quincy, a town of 4,030, say they're doing very well, thank you, with the fertilizer and the help and advice they've received from Cenex Supply and Marketing, which sells expertise, financing and farm supplies in the West and Midwest.

They call Martin a troublemaker and fear she's fomenting a scare akin to the Alar alarm that nearly ruined Washington's apple industry in 1989.

In that case, the CBS television show "60 Minutes" reported that a substance sprayed on Washington apples to preserve them in packing was dangerous to consumers. CBS later admitted it had made some mistakes in the story, and the Washington apple growers sued the network. But the suit was dismissed, and in the end, Alar was classified by EPA as a carcinogen and banned for all food uses.

"We had a woman starting that one, too, and a lot of people got hurt by it," Bill Weber, an apple and potato farmer, said at one council meeting, bringing nods and laughter.

I suspect that Mr. Weber is one of the many people who believe that women and apples have had troubled history (pretty much right from the start, I mean), but this kind of comment still gets me.

Highly Encrypted

My cryptography professor is an intelligent, kindly, and well-spoken man; perhaps his only failing as a professor of mathematics is that he is too easily convinced by confused students that he has made a mistake. The prime example came today during an example of the Cipher Feedback Mode (CFB) of the Block Cipher. This isn't really a great cipher (it's no longer considered secure), but it's good for the math class. We're doing fine until Prof. Brualdi tried to give us an example. He didn't have one in his notes, so he was working it out as he went. We didn't go more than two steps before a very vocal and moderately ignorate segment of the class had casued him to beleive he had made a mistake when he had not,and the confusiion compounded as we continued. (It didn't help that we were using only 1s and 0s, which become quite confusing because of the inherrent repetion.) After about 10 minutes of struggling with the numbers, Prof. Brualid figured out where the class lead him astray, and righted things. Finally he asked, "does this look right?" One guy in the back row replied, "I don't care anymore."

Almost Famous

This photo accompanied an column written by Sarah in today's edition of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, properly credited to one James Lucas Hepokoski.

True Love Is Forever

Here's an romantic story for Valentines Day:

Gay penguins won't go straight
Ananova

A German zoo's plans to tempt its gay penguins to go straight by importing more females has been declared a failure.

The female penguins were flown in especially from Sweden in an effort to encourage the Humboldt penguins at the Bremerhaven Zoo to reproduce.

But the six homosexual penguins showed no interest in their new female companions and remained faithful to each other.

Zoo Director Heike Kueck said: "The relationships were apparently too strong."

A keeper confirmed that the male couples had adopted rocks which they were guarding like eggs in their caves.

The zoo has said that it will try again in Spring 2006, because the penguins are an endangered species and need to be encouraged to breed.

I guess I should amend my statement: True love is forever or until your species goes extinct.

Stereotypes In Love

There seem to be a lot of young men with bouquets of flowers wandering about the streets of Madison today. I saw one tall and lanky fellow carrying long-stem roses. I saw one black guy in a Fubu jacket and flashy gold chains carrying three bouquets with three separate cards. I even saw one bookish kid looking rather embarrassed carrying a bouquet down Gilman Street while rehearsing his lines.

If Madison is any indication, retailers of plant reproductive organs seem to have done rather good business this week.

With Science!

My Enviromental Conservation class gave us homework this weekend; we need to bring in a news article on something related to the environment. No written summary or criticism is needed, just the article. While part of me thinks that this is just a step above bringing in a picture we drew of a representative of an endangered species, I have to acknowelege that the project has propted me to discover and explore a really cool website: LiveScience. There's enough here for me to bring in a couple articles; I have a suspicion that there will be a couple students who forget due to the simplicity of the assignment.

End Of A Long Day / Since 1858

All in all, its been a good day since the sun rose at 6:59. I mailed financial aid materials to Columbia University during shortly after the post office opened at 9:00. I then met up with Sarah, and we walked to College Library so that I could return the DVDs I watched last night. Before returning we stopped at Espresso Royal for mint hot chocolate, at the Community Pharmacy for some Tom's of Maine toothpaste (for me), and at a variety of places in a vain search for decorative feathers (for Sarah). This evening, while I was on an unncessary search for a misplaced sock, I got into the elevator with some 9th-floor guys carying four 24-packs of beer. About five minutes, when I was hanging out with Evan and Sarah a beer started to sound really good. I asked Evan if he had any beer, and Evan said he didn't, but that a beer did sound really good, and Sarah agreed. So I wandered down the hall and bargined with one of the kids from the elevator for two Brew City Lagers and a Brew City Ice. Evan was kind enough to buy, saying that my short expedition for the common cause earned me my can. The lager I tried probably was probably worth about the 67 cents Evan paid, but it sure hit the spot. (The City Brewery of La Crosse, Wisconsin was founded in 1858.)

Light

Nine hours and fourty-five minutes of daylight begins now.

Keats 2x

I just finished Marathon Man, and I enjoyed in quite a bit. Interestingly, I noticed that both films I watched this night alluded to Keats. The students in The Last Picture Show were discussing the poet, and one student criticized "The Nightingale." The reference in Marathon Man was much less obvious, and as far as I know (having never read any of Keats's work before tonight) it may have been accidental. One of the signs above the sidewalk of the street with all of the Jewish diamond vendors advertises KEATS COFFEE SHOP with no apostraphe. Once again, it probably is nothing, but it caught my attention nonetheless.

Waiting For The Sandman

I've been sick for the past couple days; it's not the flu (I had my shot), but its one of the harder-hitting colds I've had since starting college. I haven't been able to sleep, and I'm starting to think that I might not be able to do so tonight. I might watch the movie Marathon Man since misery does love company. I already watched The Last Picture Show earlier in the evening (yesterday, I guess). It was well made, and I'm glad I saw it. I probably could have done with something more cheerful given my current state, but I always take some satisfaction in being able to check-off another entry to Roger Ebert's ever-expanding list of Great Movies.

Of A Broken Heart

An ad in the local edition of The Onion:

Cure Your Valentime's Day Blues
[picture of a heart with much decoration (including a torch, ribbons, and a zipper) and at least four crossed-out girl's names]
10% OFF ALL COVER-UPS
at EXOTICA TATTOO
3769 East Washingon

I bet there are probably a decent number of people around here who will be tempted by such an offer. Having been a lifeguard for a number of years and having seen a lot of tattoos that might have looked good a decade ago, I don't think I will ever be in the position to take an advantage of discounted "cover-ups."